Bible Study Wrap-up

Two weeks ago, Wednesday morning Bible Study wrapped up with a year-end brunch.  As co-coordinator of Bible Studies, one of my responsibilities is to plan these brunches.  We needed a speaker, and I was feeling convicted to share how I've grown spiritually over the last couple of years.  I committed to being the speaker.  And then, for a month, every time I thought about what I'd gotten myself into, my heart rate increased.  I don't mind getting in front of a group, but sharing something so personal, making myself so vulnerable was really scary!  I had lots of people praying for me though, and it went very well.  I've heard a fair amount of positive feedback.  I know that many of my readers already heard what I said (because they were there!), but there are several friends and family members who will appreciate reading this.  (And Alissa, here's the promised blog post!)  Warning: this is a LONG post.

I'm Janna Baker, and today I want to tell you a little bit about my spiritual journey over the last few years.  I am one of those people who can say there's never been a time in my life that I haven't known and loved Jesus.  I grew up in a strong, Bible-believing family.  I went to church twice on Sunday and mid-week church programming.  I went to a Christian elementary school, a Christian middle school, a Christian high school, and a Christian college.  I would say that my relationship with Christ became personal and meaningful when I was 12 or 13.  I never rebelled.  I've been a good girl.

Yet, in adulthood, without realizing it, I was rebelling against God by refusing to spend time in his Word.  You can imagine, after 17 years of Christian education, not to mention my family upbringing and my church involvement, that I knew the Bible.  We listened to cassette tapes of verses set to music.  We had family devotions after dinner every day.  I could defend my faith, if asked.  And yet, I wasn't spending time in God's Word.  It was as if I was saying, "you know, God, I know all this already.  I don't need to keep reading it."  And looking back now, (and after taking the Respectable Sins study!), I recognize that I was living a life of ungodliness.  What I mean by that is that I was living my life as if I was in control.  I was going through the motions of the Christian life without really depending on God.  At the time, I didn't recognize the ungodliness in my life, but I knew I was not growing spiritually.  I remember going out for lunch with the ladies of my home group, and one of them asking me how my time in the Word was.  I had to admit that I was doing minimal preparation for Wednesday morning Bible study, and other than that and Sunday morning worship, I really wasn't doing anything.  I was starting to feel convicted.

But here's the problem.  I didn't want to spend time in God's Word!  When I had some free time, I wanted to knit, or read for pleasure, or skype with family, or play games, or sleep!  I can't tell you how many times I felt nudged to spend time in the Word, and I chose to ignore it.  I chose to follow my sin nature and be selfish with my time.  It was at a one-day retreat here at church that I confessed that I don't have a desire to spend time with God.  Someone in my small group at the retreat told me I should pray for that desire.  So I did.  I told God that I didn't really want to spend time with Him, but that I wanted to want to. 

When, at the end of 2010, Pastor Tom encouraged us to find and use a Bible-reading plan for 2011, I decided it was time to make a commitment.  So I started reading my Bible, four chapters per day.  There were days that I forgot to read, and other days that I read two- or three- or four- days worth of readings to make up for those missed days.  Many days, especially at the beginning, my Bible reading was just routine.  I was reading it to check it off my list.  And I'll admit, I still have days like that.  I had to tell myself that even if I get nothing out of my reading, I'm still being obedient to God and that honors Him.  On December 31st, I read 12 chapters and completed my goal of reading through the Bible in a year. 

This year, I've chosen to read through the Bible again, using the same plan I used last year.  But I'm discovering that there are so many little different details that jump out at me this year.  I'm learning that even though I've known this book my whole life, God can teach me new things with each new reading of it!  I'm often surprised at connections between different chapters that I'm reading.  And I often feel like His Word was written just for me at particular times.  His Word is becoming more personal, more applicable to my life.  I find encouragement, conviction, power, and comfort.  I find instructions on how to live a Godly life. 

I recently re-read Psalm 19.  Starting at verse 7, it says, "The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul.  The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.  The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.  The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.  The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.  The decrees of the Lord are firm, and all of them are righteous.  They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb.  By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward."

I am starting to see some rewards for my faithfulness in being in God's Word.  I'm getting to know God better.  I am growing spiritually.  I am being convicted of areas of sin in my life that I need to confront (yeah, I know, that doesn't really feel like reward).  I'm being reminded daily of how much God loves me.  And I feel at peace. 

I wonder if anyone here is at that place I was a few years ago.  Feeling spiritually stagnant, and wondering how you can revitalize your walk with God?  Start praying for the desire to spend time with God, whether it's through prayer or through the Word.  He will be faithful and will answer your prayer.  I think of Psalm 42: 1-2 that says "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?"  I still can't say that I yearn for time with God.  But I believe that I'm still on this journey, and that as I remain faithful to God, He will be faithful to me, and He'll continue to grow me in Him.

Some of you here are in a busy stage of your lives.  Many of you have young kids that require near-constant supervision.  When I had younger kids, I used that as one of my excuses for not spending time with God.  But I've realized now that it's a cop-out.  If you pray for the desire to know God more, and you make a commitment to spend time with Him, you WILL find time for Him.  It might mean waking up earlier.  It might mean staying up later.  It might mean giving up a few of those precious nap-time minutes to spend in the Word and prayer before moving on to laundry, dishes, catching up on e-mail, Facebook, Pinterest, or other distractions.

Let me leave you with one more passage, the one that is on the cards at your table.  Isaiah 55:10-11 says, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."  It is my prayer that the Word we have studied together this year will encourage you, convict you, change you.  Apply it to your life, and allow God to grow you. 

Prayer:  "Lord, your word is a lamp for our feet and a light on our paths.  Accept the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws.  Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.  Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.  My heart is set on keeping your decrees, to the very end.  Amen.